Custom Search


Does your toddler share his/her toys?

Irfan has come to the age where he totally refuses to share toys with other toddlers/kids, be it his own or other kid's toys. The other day I got remarked from a certain someone that Irfan is "kedekut" (stingy) and refused to share stuff with her anak buah. When in truth, her anak buah was the one who refused to share in the first place, and I don't blame him really. Because I knew it's normal for kids that age, and whenever people commented of how kedekut her anak buah was, I was the one who defended him.

But then, when I got such remark from this mulut-tak-insuran person, it got my blood boiling until they almost vaporize due to overheating. Sungguh tak sedar diri!

Anyway, because I'm a mother who is truly worried about her child behavior (although it's normal, but that doesn't make it right), I googled about teaching my toddler to share and this is what I found :

When your toddler refuses to share his favorite truck (or even his least favorite truck), he isn't really being selfish — he's just acting his age. Sharing is a skill he'll develop over several years. In the meantime, struggles over toys will be common. It's no fun to watch your child grab a toy and shout "Mine!" But if he's playing with other toddlers, he won't be the only one doing it.

That said, kids learn by imitating what they see, so take every opportunity to show your child how to share. Offer him a bite of your meal or a chance to assist in the fun of decorating a cake. As you do, use the word "share" to describe your behavior. ("I'm eating a really good sandwich, and I'd love to share it with you. Would you like some?") When your toddler attempts to share, praise his efforts. Little by little, he'll drink in the positive reinforcement and feel good about repeating those actions that seem to make you so happy. Before long, he'll start sharing because it comes naturally.

Toddlers do lots of "proto-sharing" — showing an object to other people and allowing them to manipulate it without quite letting go. Though it doesn't look like it, it's a big step toward sharing, so reinforce it. "How nice of you to show Seth your telephone," you might say. Later, when he's started playing with something else, you could suggest he pass the phone to his friend, and praise him for doing so. Whether the other child wants the toy at this point is not as important as practicing the act of sharing and being rewarded for it.

One way to avoid tantrums over sharing is to let your child hide a few of his most precious playthings before his friends come over. Tell him these toys are ones he doesn't have to share, then put them away. Make sure your child is aware that what's left is for everyone, though. If he says he doesn't want to hide a favorite toy but you know he'll have trouble sharing it, you might want to buy a duplicate if it isn't an expensive item.

If toys just seem to incite too many quarrels and tugs-of-war, you may want to steer clear of them altogether and engage your child and his playmates in a project such as making pretend cookies with modeling clay or drawing pictures. That way, they can be involved in the same fun activities without having to share possessions.

You should never punish a child, especially one this age, for not sharing. You can let him know you're disappointed and sad when he doesn't share, but that's it. Don't make a big deal out of it. Some of these struggles should be ignored — you don't want sharing to become a parent-child battleground. Let him work this out with other children. When he doesn't share, his friends will let him know in no uncertain terms how unhappy they are, and he'll learn that sometimes it takes hard work to be a good friend!

It's comforting to know that this is a normal behavior for most/all toddlers. I guess it'll be a long process to teach him good manners and there'll be lots of hair-pulling and disappointment in between, but I'll work on it and pray that my child will grow up to be a well-mannered boy. InsyaAllah.

On an irrelevant note, when Irfan ran out of idea of what to play, he decided to play dress up with Barney. Haha!


  1. At least ur son ada idea mcmana nak siapkan barney dia bagi cute..

  2. creative si irfan!
    cute barney tu! haha

  3. kelako nyer irfan pakaikn barney tudung..kihkihkih
    btw, my najiha pn ada skit stingy to share her books,bila sometimes jumpa cousin biar buku duk merata,tp if org amik dia nak pula..sib baik kakak2 spupu dia tu penyabar org nyer.

  4. anak i ikut mood, kalau die rase nak share die share, kalau dtg mood ngengada langsung takmo share...

  5. haha.. comelnya irfan n barney...

    kids ni ada mcm dua personality kan.. ada yg suka share and ada yg tak suka share.. masa kekecik dulu i jenis yg tak suka share barang mainan.. bukan apa some other kids tu penah ada yg rosakkan mainan i... tu yg i jadi kedekut tu hihi..

  6. aa ahh..pandai berimaginasi little boy..mmuahh mmuahh..

    BTW..belom ada lagi toddler yg tak kedekut with his/her stuff..even they tends to share but only for at anytime they shouldn't be blaimed..pendek kata..kita ni laa kena panjang akal sikit kan... ;-) ~cheers!~

  7. ma ralit tgok pix irfan sngt cute...ensome boy!

  8. ahhahahahhahaahhahah comelnye barney tu pakai tudung. hahahahahhahahahhaha

    sami pon tanak share toys dia, tak share satu hal, toys org lein dia nk gak.. adoii

  9. wahaha...comei betui irfan. mcm ustazah!

    well, normal kot budak2 mcm tu. kdg2 i pun risau & x suka dgr mulut capoi yg kata anak kita kedekut. bcoz some toys tu ada sentimental values to us & our kids...jadi xnak la rosak atau hilang kalo org lain x cermat.

  10. biasa la tu..syaza & arif pn selalu gaduh berebut toys..share makanan xpe tp kalu toys mesti gaduh..

  11. azmiemas : idea merepek dia memang macam2 kalau dilayan. :-p

    ella : tu lah. and all these while i thot barney is a Mr. ;-)

    mila : ahhh dia sayang buku la tu. kalau kakak2 tu dah besar they understand la kot eh. :-)

    yaya : ahh ikut mood okie la jugak kan. ni kalau sentiasa taknak share susah gak. as a mother kena ajar jugak lah anak kita ni kan, tsk tsk tsk. beratnya tanggungjawab

    lady : wahhh u ble ingat lagi eh. i tak ingat but i think i jenis suka share kot coz my cousins cakap diorang slalu main my barbie dolls. hehehe

    imma : tu lah kan. mostly jumpa mesti masing2 possesive, it's their nature. tapi ikut la certain age jugak, irfan dulu sangaaaaaaaaaaaaat pemurah, apa2 yang kita mintak mesti dia bagi tapi skang ni baru start camtu.

  12. ma : hensem ka? hiks

    ely : haaaaaaaaaa sebijikkkk macam irfan skarang! isk isk isk

    isabelle : we can teach them how to share, slowly but surely insyaAllah.

    ct as : ahhh irfan ni dulu makanan apa semua ok skang ni dah jadi competitive plak dia. tsk tsk tsk

  13. hahaha i love the part abt the boiling blood vaporizing & overheating tu. mmg sesuai with the current weather.

    nway, you've found a tip on how to handle irfan with his sharing issues, did u find any tips to handle the muluts yg tak insuran?

  14. raggedyanne : yes, overheat pasal weather sama ni haha

    yerp the tip is inhaleeeeeee exhaleeeeeee and whenever you could, laser them back! yeah!

  15. hello makcik irfan! heheh. cantik tudung awk. aunty nk pinjam barney bole? *grin*

    he's jst sooo adorable like that.

  16. cute la pak andam kecik ni.

    miya tak pernah face sharing toys lg coz takde kawan dtg rumah main sama2. :D tp pegi rumah org, dia ok aje main sama2 dgn org lain. tp tu la, buat cam harta dia gak. tanpa segan silu main ambik2 aje.

    isu mulut lazer, laser balik aje. kalau dia leh kritik org kena la reti terima kritikan gak..:D

  17. cerdiknyaaa.. abisla tudung tudung mama... hehehehe

  18. cutenyeee pakai tudung ahahahha...i think its normal that kids dont want to share.never scold them thou.nnti dah besar dia fahamlah kan.biasalah skrg ni dia nak semua benda yg attract their attention ngeeee

  19. wah ramai nyer comment!! hehhe ... aqil irfan can play dress up with arees also ... mesti comei! =)

  20. lea shmea : haha irfan looks so makcik2 riteeee.... aunty can pinjam my barney, but mama said aunty has to come and get it here :-p

    mama miya : yerp. irfan dulu never faced teh problem also coz he was all alone skang dah start bercampur so pandai la nak mark teritory all. hiks

    echa : yeah! memang tudung mama semua dah jadi belacan dikerjakan irfan

    seniorotasara : tu la dulu i always scolded him also, tapi now baru belajar camna nak handle. but scolding is the easiest thing to do isn't it? :-p

    papakeechee : haaa jommmmm!!!!

  21. Carliff slalu ngalah jer..menyerah kalah kikiki..anyway the Barney part was awsome..hahah

  22. cutenye pakai tudung! hahaha.. sama mcm mcm my daughter Nadhrah.. n dia akan dressup bear dia gak..

    yup, its normal Nadhrah does that too! tp i kekdg tarik/angkat dia sbb dia suke berebut & kalau takdpt nak gadoh.. tak boleh tahan.. girl tp gangster dh la nak gadoh dgn laki.. haish..

  23. on another note, i've hop here a few times but tak pernah tgl jejak.. like reading ur entries..

    care to exchange links? :)

    salam maal hijrah!



Blog Widget by LinkWithin