Last Night...

Dear Irfan,

Last night was one of the saddest nights of my life. It all started when your grandma wanted to bring you home with her, and I agreed to it because I thought your father and I could use some time alone. Clearly, what I thought would be an enjoyable night turned out to be the worst I've had so far.

You and I, we had never been separated overnight since you were born. Wherever I spent the night, I'd make sure you'd be there too. Thus because we'd never been separated before, last night was spent crying and crying my eyes out thinking of you. I tried to distract my mind, but when my eyes caught glimpses of your stuff lying around, I started to miss you.

I went to bed without having to prepare your milk and stuff. I didn't have to put you to bed. I didn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed you, or change your diaper. That sure gave me a lot of time to think of you, and the live we've had together so far.

Then, I started to imagine how life would be without you, and that only saddened me more. I started conjuring up scenes from drama swasta and you and I became the main actor/actress. I imagined how it'd be like if you and I became separated, and then it hit me hard in the face. I could never ever life if you're not around with me. I swear I couldn't.

Darling,

The nine months carrying you in my tummy was the most amazing moments of my life. Every single pain I felt, each time I threw up and fainted, it was all endurable for I knew it happened because there was a little angel growing up in my tummy. Every single movement you made, it gave me the kind of pleasure that you could never imagine. The pleasure that only mommies would feel. Knowing that the little guy in my tummy trying to make himself visible to me heightened the joy I had for being pregnant with you. Whenever I was sad, all I had to do was touched my tummy and poof! the sadness was washed away. Because I knew u were (in) there for me, and forever you would be. Just like all the mothers out there, I was bonded with my little angel even before you were born.

And then you came out, and from day one you've already taught me many great lessons. You teach me how to be a mama, you teach me to be responsible for the little being under my care. You teach me patience, you teach me love that is selfless. You open up a whole new world for me. A world that is so beautiful that I'd never thought existed in this world. You show me a different side of love that I'd never known before, you make love seems so pure.

I want you to know, that at times I might yell at you. I might scold you and even smack your bottom for being naughty. But all that are done out of my pure love for you. I would never trade you for anything, or anyone. You're the love of my life. You're my joy, my sadness, and my everything. You make life worth living. Without you, I am nothing.

And last night, I thank God for the most precious gift he'd ever given me - that is YOU.