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Last Night...

Dear Irfan,

Last night was one of the saddest nights of my life. It all started when your grandma wanted to bring you home with her, and I agreed to it because I thought your father and I could use some time alone. Clearly, what I thought would be an enjoyable night turned out to be the worst I've had so far.

You and I, we had never been separated overnight since you were born. Wherever I spent the night, I'd make sure you'd be there too. Thus because we'd never been separated before, last night was spent crying and crying my eyes out thinking of you. I tried to distract my mind, but when my eyes caught glimpses of your stuff lying around, I started to miss you.

I went to bed without having to prepare your milk and stuff. I didn't have to put you to bed. I didn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to feed you, or change your diaper. That sure gave me a lot of time to think of you, and the live we've had together so far.

Then, I started to imagine how life would be without you, and that only saddened me more. I started conjuring up scenes from drama swasta and you and I became the main actor/actress. I imagined how it'd be like if you and I became separated, and then it hit me hard in the face. I could never ever life if you're not around with me. I swear I couldn't.


The nine months carrying you in my tummy was the most amazing moments of my life. Every single pain I felt, each time I threw up and fainted, it was all endurable for I knew it happened because there was a little angel growing up in my tummy. Every single movement you made, it gave me the kind of pleasure that you could never imagine. The pleasure that only mommies would feel. Knowing that the little guy in my tummy trying to make himself visible to me heightened the joy I had for being pregnant with you. Whenever I was sad, all I had to do was touched my tummy and poof! the sadness was washed away. Because I knew u were (in) there for me, and forever you would be. Just like all the mothers out there, I was bonded with my little angel even before you were born.

And then you came out, and from day one you've already taught me many great lessons. You teach me how to be a mama, you teach me to be responsible for the little being under my care. You teach me patience, you teach me love that is selfless. You open up a whole new world for me. A world that is so beautiful that I'd never thought existed in this world. You show me a different side of love that I'd never known before, you make love seems so pure.

I want you to know, that at times I might yell at you. I might scold you and even smack your bottom for being naughty. But all that are done out of my pure love for you. I would never trade you for anything, or anyone. You're the love of my life. You're my joy, my sadness, and my everything. You make life worth living. Without you, I am nothing.

And last night, I thank God for the most precious gift he'd ever given me - that is YOU.


  1. God i can exactly feel you..Yeah..
    i pon slalu marah n smack Carliff jugak lately..
    tapi bila tgok dia tidok ja..Ya Allah bersalah sangat2 even tadi masa pkul tuh tak hingat2 dah sbb marah..
    ( u kno he suka2 spill milk on my lappie, and even throw all the dvds and masuk duduk dlam laci!) cobaan..cobaan..yg akhirnya membawa sesalan....
    i always pray that i had more and more of kesabaran...
    forgive me son!

  2. omg, u know what u should do bai, write an actual letter, post it to your own house but address it to irfan, then not to ever open it and put it in a box for him to open one day nanti! (hahaha having a scene of my own drama swasta, boleyy???)

  3. Aiza : yeah i know, we feel each other. that's how all mothers feel i guess. bukan marah sebab benci, tapi we kind lose it sometimes kan. yes, we're the parents, but we're also human.

    i'm sure carliff understand and forgive you always. no worries dear :-D

    kayla : that sounds tempting. i might do it, tell him not to open until certain age kan. u know what? my dad actually did that to us masa we were having teenage crisis, wrote us all a letter, and bila i baca balik surat tu now memang i truly understand why he did what he did dulu, because he wanted to didik us to be a good person.

    good idea lah kayla! thanks!

  4. touched ! i pun tak penah lg tdo asing dgn i surely akan jd cam u jugak..nangis..rasa cam pelik ja tdo straight sampai ke subuh tanpa perlu bgn kasik susu & nappy change ...

  5. such a heart warming letter la ... i was ALMOST in tears T_T

    u know during the weekend Arees has been so clingy cause I've got this workshop(ws) to attend .... he didnt wanna let go ... kesian sgt la .... because of him i skipped half the ws ... muhahaha ... ibu mithali ^_^

    I guess we should always be grateful with wat we have kan and be thankful that we are lucky enough to be given a chance to experience motherhood ... ALHAMDULILLAH ^_^

  6. pernah jugak rase afif kena tinggal ngan nenek die dulu 2 hari sbb tak jumpe lagi bbsitter..mmg nangis laaa..pastu asyik cium bantal afif je..

  7. interesting islamic english books for kids and parents

  8. mikyal : exactly! time depa kecik2 nih most mothers would feel this way kot, esok dah besar sikit lagi la mak bapak nak halau gi umah grandparents hahaha

    papakeechee : alolo cian arees..haa dun make arees as ur excuse! bad bad studenttt!kena potong markah nih huahuahua

    yes thankful for the chance of being a mother :-D

    farah : hehehe a'ah nak cium bau dia ja kan, masam masam manis hahaha



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