The goodbye episode : miscarriage

Alhamdulillah.  God has been very merciful towards us. He made things easy, and bestowed us with peace of mind to go through whatever hurdles that came unto us.

To recap.

Early May. We went to our local gynae for a checkup and I was found to be 5 weeks pregnant with our second baby. Alhamdulillah, just as we decided that we were ready for another one, Allah bestowed the rezeki upon us. We were very happy with it. Plans were made with such joy. I went through the usual morning sickness and such, but this time it wasn't so bad. Maybe because I've been through it before, so this time it didn't felt as bad as the first time. Or so I thought.

Anyway.

Then came the 8th weeks of the pregnancy. We were scheduled for another visit to the gynae for an ultrasound scan. By this time, we should've been able to see the fetus  heartbeat. We both couldn't wait for the moment when the little guy would be able to see his adik's development on the screen. But then Allah has better plan for us, and as his servant, we could only accept it with open heart.

I was then diagnosed to have a blighted ovum pregnancy by the end of the 8th week. In laymen term, pregnancy tak menjadi lah. The pregnancy only contained the gestational sac with some accumulated tissues, but the baby either couldn't develop due to some complications, or it developed but after a while it simply disintegrated. It's a type of miscarriage and eventually I found out that the same thing has happened to a few of my friends and cousin before. We were advised to have it removed asap and after getting a second opinion, we decided to go with the D & C procedure the following week.

We were at first saddened by the news. After 2 months of being pregnant, I was bound to feel sad by the lost. And as the big guy had been taking such good care of me and the 'baby' for the past 2 months, I could see that he was even more distraught than me during the first couple of days  after receiving the shocking news.

But after a while, Allah just opened up our heart to see the hikmah in all that has happened. We started to accept the fate with an open heart. I was even pleased when I came across this hadis :

The Prophet s.a.w. said, "By the One in Whose hand is my soul, truly the miscarried child will certainly drag its mother with its umbilical cord to Paradise, provided one expects recompense [for SABR]".                                                                                                        (Ibn Majah and Ahmad)

Alhamdulillah, knowing this, it really comforted me like nothing else could. Just happy to know that dah ada saham kat 'sana'. And I can't help thinking that I'm just plain lucky to be chosen to go through this ordeal to have the reward after!

After all that happened, we could only thank Allah for giving us this opportunity and experience, and giving us the strength to go through it with patience. As the big guy said : What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

InsyaAllah.