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Kerjaya vs. Keluarga

This post is inspired by Mommy Lyna, who has gone back to work after a few months (or had it been a year) of long leave. This thing has been bugging me for a couple of weeks now, and it has even gave me nightmares.

Before I start, let me tell you one thing. It might be easier for other people to make decision if they were in my shoes as they might have different goal in life, but I am a very family-oriented person. And at such, I'm very unwilling to sacrifice my family for anything regardless of countless lectures from some friends or even families who wants to see me to be financially independent and not depending on my husband to provide even a grain of rice.

As you might or might not know, I'm currently on unpaid maternity leave. I first took leave for half a year after my official maternity leave. When it was about to end and I still can't get a job here in Penang, I extended the leave for another year. The problem with me is, I'm only looking for a government job, and it's not that easy to get here in Penang especially with my post, or shall I say, specialization. I was -or shall I say at this moment still am - a landscape architect with a federal government post, and unfortunately the company doesn't have any branch outside KL. So transfer is definitely NOT an option for me. I tried applying for the local council post a couple of times since I was still single,  but luck was never on my side. They usually have only one opening in a few years, so the job is not my best option for now.

My leave is ending in about 2 months time and I'm in such dilemma whether to go back to work alone, living my two boys behind and only see them during the weekends until God knows when. Nanti mesti Irfan dah tak kenal mama dia. And not forgetting my experience for long-distance marriage since the first day I got married and throughout my whole pregnancy, one thing I could say, IT SUCKS! Should I just quit the job and continue being a SAHM, with no financial independence? The only good things about the job in KL is the money (it's not much but enough), plus it's a secured job. But I will lose out on family time, and that's very very important to me now that I'm a mother. Like I said, family comes 1st on my list of priorities.

We've thought of another option, for my hubby to move to KL with me. But I think that would not solve the matters as well, as if he's to get transferred there we'd be working in two different continents (or at least it feels like it), and we'd still lose out on our family time. Sedangkan sekarang where his work place is only 5-10 minutes drive from home pun he comes back home usually after 8pm, imagine how it would be if he works in Cyberjaya while I work in Sentul, I can't imagine Irfan growing up with strangers instead of his own family. At least if I can get a job in Penang we can send him to his grandparents, takla susah hati sangat nak tinggal pun. Another thing about that job in KL is that I have to travel to site, and I can guarantee there's no such luck to get all projects located in KL only. According to my previous experience, I've had to travel to Kedah, Kuantan and Kota Tiinggi, Johor among other places. I can't imagine leaving my son behind, tapi takkan nak bawak dia follow me to site pulak kan. Oh god, this is such a hard decision to make!

My current option is to apply for extension of leave again, but I guess the chance of it being approved is 50percent, as our current KP is going to retire in this very month. I hope my leave will be extended, but that would only solve the problem in short term. Should I just apply for ANY job in Penang as long as can get paid, or should I be a SAHM and totally depend on hubby for all my life? I do have this urge sometimes to be financially independent, as I've had a taste of my own money before, and I have to admit that it's very hard to be dependent on others even your own husband to get what you want, or to give whatever you desire for your child. Of course if my husband is filthy rich, that would've been a different story altogether, but with one income now we get by with basic necessities and a little bit extra now and then, but we have to think about the expenses involved when the time comes to expand the family and the kid's life when they grow up, right?

I'm in such a lost now, I hope Allah will open up the best way for me. Ameen.


  1. If I were you, I will go back to KL :d
    Once you have settle down, then only ask hubby to transfer :) meanwhile u leave irfan with ur PIL/parents.

    bila dah stabil kat tempat baru, boleh la bawa Irfan sekali. Just my suggestion :)So sayang if you let go ur carrer:)

  2. To choose memang susah.....
    kalaulah boleh jek baling coin....

  3. hmm susah bende ni bai.. sbb its life kan.. hmm aku tak sure la camana nak bagi idea.. tapi if you wanna hear from me.. i had a tot or two...
    kalau aku la.. aku bukan seorang yg kejar kerjaya, that is where i am now where i am. I had offers at a better place before, with better gaji. I had work at a place that really makes me feel like a good architect.. dgn project2 yang hebat, client2 yang cool.
    tapi, masa aku nak kawin - i look for a job here, still jadi akitek - yang indah khabar dari rupa... tapi-yang penting, aku tak payah kena outstation selalu, sgt deakt dengan rumah, dan tak de kena keje sampai jauh malam.

    memang at times, i have the feeling of being a loser - macam tak best langsung, penat je aku belajor and score2 segala. and memang ada rasa jelesnya tgk org keje best2, name card company yang famous. seriously, mmg selalu aku rasa macam gini.

    tapi, bila balik tengok muka anak, bau peluh kepala dia - perasaan jadi lain, dan jadik tak kisah dgn apa yg nak berlaku. i am glad where i am.

    tapi tu sbb rezeki aku dpt keje kat sini.

    Rezeki kita semua di tentukan oleh Allah, bukan kita... apa yang ditentukan untuk kita, sememangnya yang terbaik. apalagi, istikharah je jalan yg boleh tolong. and the answer that you seek for, is deeply inside your heart.

    We have only 1 landscape architect here.. try la apply... mana la tahu ada rezeki. dah lama LA aku nak assistant, tapi tak pernah dpt.. mana la tahu kot bos aku tgk muka comeyy ko dia berkenan.. meh try meh

  4. tahajjud...whatever vision u get...u better make sure that u proceed with it will be the best one....

  5. kadang2 perlu berkorban wpun x rela. mcm saya, sdh 2 tahun tinggalkan kerjaya tapi puas hati tengok anak dpn mata (sambil2 rasa rendah diri bila tgk org lain yg berkerjaya):p

  6. Ni pendapat SAHM plak..^_^
    Memang susahkan bila job dah mmg ada dlm tangan. Plak tu job yg mmg diidam2kan oleh ramai org. Zaman skang ni mmg kalu gaji sorang..cukup2 makan je.
    So cam pendapat lain2..istikarah utk dptkan petunjuk. Kalu nk teruskan dgn SAHM pun bukan bermakna kita xleh cari duit. Cam kak ct..Alhamdulillah now projek sentiasa ada. Sambil2 jaga anak. Sekurang2nya anak dpn mata kita.

  7. mrs shiv : ala i thot u left ur previous job pon becoz u didn't want to transfer to kl, no? btw, thanks for the opinion :-)

    yaya : tu la i wish bole baling coin ja kan

    zoora : ur working in pdc consultancy eh? i went for interview there last time, masa tu baruuuu sangat join JLN and belum kahwin. they called for second interview tapi time tu tak pikir future so tak pegi, rugiii

    anon : will do insyaAllah

    eis : setuju hidup perlukan pengorbanan. apa2 pon niat yang penting kan, dun feel down k, kerjaya SAHM adalah jugak mulia

    kak ct : tu lah. mesti istikharah, kalau SAHM jugak kena cari source untuk generate income macAM kak ct

  8. well...i'm in the same shoe as u..job hunting but nak the ones yg tak affect my mothering activities.

    been job hunting for months now, but no luck...nak pulak i feel some reservation from employer yg interview i tu. as if a mom cant perform se"terrer" other people with no kids lak. maklum la, i am in the construction la most employer nak commitment in this fast-track project turnover thingy.

    anyway..since hubby punye income is enough for us to live in this capitalist world, I'm letting Allah decide on which path for me to pursue. i dah decide if by the end of the year, hubby get increment & i am still unemployed; I'm gonna stop job hunting & we're gonna try for 2nd kid. so i'll be a SAHM for another year plus. focus on miya & the new baby while i try finish my 2nd half of masters. then after complete masters & anak dah besar skit, baru i join the cut-throat corporate world.

    i would suggest that you do the same thing..list out all ur options. solat istikharah, then decide...kalau u rasa tenang bila u have decided on a path, insyaAllah thats what Allah wants for u. if its not, jgn regret the decision..choose another path & redha. strut in those high heel shoes & be proud of the path u have taken. ;)

  9. erghh i'm worried abt my work too. mmg nightmare nk masuk keja balik nxt week. haihh. whatever u do, i'm sure yr decision would be the best for both sides. good luck mama! :)

  10. rumit gak bila nak kene pilih camni.. sian encik amin dan encik irfan kan..
    sangat sedih kalau tinggal budak yg tgh membesar sebab diorang ni kejap jer dah lain..

    tak try apply r.o kat school2? bleh sambung study sambil2 nanti tu ke...

  11. erk..kalau i duduk tempat u pon mmg famili la jadi priority..takpela baizurah..doa byk2 biar tuhan mudahkan jalan..kalau boleh biarla irfan besar dpn mata mamanye kan..

  12. ok ja...cukup makan...cukup minum...terlindung hujan dan panas...buleh jaga anak...buleh jaga suami yang tengah membesar :P...tak yah keja tak pa -husband-

  13. sembahyang istikharah tiap2 hari tau mcm nur amina....after setahun (ke lebih?) baru dpt petunjuk, dgn izin Allah..

    ish ish... aku ni tak membantu langsung bukan? LOL. mentang2 mlm ni ada nur kasih.

    ok ok. aku serious skarang. sgt suspen jika aku jd ngko sbbnya you're already in your comfort zone. soalan cepu emas aku, tak pernah try apply kerja lain ke kat penang? doesn't look like your office ada kemungkinan bukak position di penang. you have ur parents there, kalau kerja kat sana sekurang2nya irfan will still be surrounded by familiar faces.

  14. if u used to work and going to try on being a SAHM, trust's damn tough!. i've been there..mula dr lepas kawen sampai skrg baby dah 4 bulan.

    so, i decided sambung study and kuatkn hati utk tinggal baby kat nursery huhu

    hope u pun akan dpt jwpn pd persoalan u nih

  15. terharunya baca komen en.amin. see Bai, harapan seorang suami kpd isterinya... my sincere opinion, find a job in penang. u can do many things actually even at home. do not picky to any job. we do not know where our luck is. i really mean it. bcoz at one time, i was thinking to work at any bakery shop, so bila dah terer n tau how it runs, then i can set up my own. btw do u know that our friend did that? ops sory, terbisnes minded plak,anw if u like mkn gaji pun ok,cuma byk memeningkan kepala especially with the title Pengurusan & Preofesional tu. so nt hg pye mission nak menjaga anak & suami x tercapai plk. situation in ofis now pun not very good. birokrasi thp dewa. sometime rasa nak keja biasa2 je. asalkan blk rmh dgn hati yg tenang dan aman damai...gud luck dear :) -si intan emas-

  16. adeh, berat juga dilemma you ni.. nak bagi oppinion pon i taktau camne. jadi SAHM seronok jugak, tapi sayang nak let go career camtu je, lagi pon dah penah rasa duit sendiri kan..
    hope u dapat settle the prob the best way it can be solved :)

  17. have u ever given thoughts to part time teaching? coz kat USM tu pun ramai staff dorang tgh pegi sambung belajar... so i rasa boleh u try and ask to do part time studio ke apa... and i tell u, the money is quite lucrative tau. and if u rasa part time teaching could be your thing, then boleh la after you have some income to start doing masters part time, coz they pay more for masters holder. part time teaching is not as stable as being a full time lecturer, coz depends on the need. but, if you do well and establish your repo, insyaAllah they can call you back from time to time. paling best skali, no admin work or research!!! and it's not a 9-5 job everyday of the week, except kalau studio days je la kan... and you can still do your side business on the other times.

  18. huhuhuh bai..baru masuk ur blog n to leave comment...u r in same shoes like me...beza nyer i keje...but ma job need me outstation...skalik outstaion 2 week..balik weekend jek...but since keje sini i slalu mintak excuse..n selalu dpt excsue..but i tk sure until when bleh excuse2 ni...huhuhu sampai 1 mase 3 bos penin tau nk letak i job aper..sbb i takde job kene internal audit..huhu so baru2 ni i pon stress..sbb i jenis lebey kan famili...tak sampai ati tgk anak membesar mom siap offer..dier bleh jage ma doter..she can quit from her job just to jage ma weken i dtg laa amekk ma i tk bley...i rase susah nyer mengandung...nyusukan sanggup tgk dier membesar ngan org lain..

    n up i decide nk benti keje...i nk futher stadi master..but hubby tk kasik...fes dier kate blajar penat2...2nd dier kate...susah tuk 1 kepale jek ader income...not mean he cant afford us..but i 1 jek income duit kiteorg cukup2...if emergency ker aper...kene mintak tlg family2...

    but beza ngan u...ur hubbby sgt okey u benti...yaa i know..sgt syg k tgl kan keje yg bagus + goverment which mean ur future mmg secure...but as long ur hubby ok..i think ma opinon laaa...u carik jek keje kt penang..or future stadi n jd tutor or lecturer or apply jd cikgu ker...they dis cikgu sementare..gstk ker aper tah...i tk sure sgt..i;ve in mind to apply dat too...hopefully i ader rezeki dis yr...

    n now sgt cube carik keje lain tkyah outstation...huhu owh fogot..1 more reason hubby 1 tk bg benti cos keje i dekat...10 mnt jek...then got emergency bleh mintak xcuse suke2...sometime ader laa kene balik just kene outstation :( + hubbby i ckp...cube tgk askar2 perempuan tuh tgl2 kan anak derang...lagi kesiann...but not mee...i tk strong camtu nk tglkan ma doter :(

    so da bes...buat istikharah byk2...n restu suami yg penting... ;-)

  19. memang confuse bila nak buat decision regarding
    this matter.
    just wanna share what my sis did when she was in the same situation like urs. she did quit her job even her boss persuaded her not to do so.he said he will increase my sis salary another 2x. tapi my sis tekad and quit her job.
    my parents pun melenting gak la awal2 tu. but she said we can't have everythg in this worldn someone should sacrifice.
    Alhamdulillah, now her 2 sons now both at boarding school n now she is working again with the same boss with higher position.
    i really glad what she did 4 her family n she did gain something gud in return....
    Apa apa terpulang kpd kita juga..
    i know u will make a gud decision for ur family n urself...

  20. Sorry Bai..been read your post few days back but only today managed to share my words here..I was so sad while reading your post and menangis aku sambil baca..yess memang sedih..It was happened the same to me here..sacrificed something for something which I think will make some changes of our (me, hubby and baby) life in future..

    Bai..sebelum aku cerita pepanjang..mintak mahap bnyk2 dulu erk klu sepanjang penulisan nih nanti ada yg bakal menyinggung perasaan hang..I am sure my words will be as long as your post or longer that that but I'll try not to..It is very depending on us on how to ponder everything and of course kena discuss dengan hubby..mintak restu..solat strong and semua yang dah kawan2 sebut kat atas then finally come to the decision..Dan as one of our fren said up there apa yg kita decide please dont regreat on it as itulah yang telah ditentukanNYA yang pastinya ada hikmah dan kebaikan that we would gain one day..I am not kinda giving any comment neither the opinion bcoz takut mempengaruhi your decision..cuma kat sini aku sekadar berkongsi cerita of what i had went through and still going through.. :-)

    Bai..i had went thru the same..yess exactly..dilemma for 2 and famili which come first..both are important..sacrifice one for another one but jgn lupa you will get one another in return..Looking 10 months back..aku decided tinggalkan salah sorg kat Penang for the sake of to cont study..buat DPLI and i have decided to bring my baby along as at that time he was only 2months exactly, baru lepas pantang..further more he was first mr hubby keberatan jugak tp bila fikir the decision is for the future lifetime..kami sama2 akur dan redha..Every weekend hubby will come down to Shah Alam to visit us..sewa rumah and stayed with baby without my hubby and Boboy without his papa..Pagi pi kelas ptg baru balik and Boboy was grown up with stranger which i never know before..ex-offcmate yg rekemenkan baby-sitter..ngbr her MIL and so tak risau sgt..And it last for 2 month then another tough challenge come again..This time lagi berat where hubby said bawak anak balik Penang and stay with grandma..Sangat rasa terpukul waktu tuu bila dua2 terpaksa jauh dari aku but finally aku terima..berkorban hasil pujukan family then aku jadi kuat hanya sikit masa laa coz pikir2 balik aku dah mulakan langkah so I will have to make it done..Lepas Boboy stay in Penang..aku berulang balik every weekend as what his papa done before while two of us in Shah Alam..sangat pilu when the time aku kena balik ke shah alam smla on sunday midnite and setiap kali tu lah aku menangis..tak pernah sekali pon tak nangis even balik stp mngu..setiap hari aku nangis teringat my love ones..setiap hari berkali2 aku telefon mcm la anak aku bole cakap time tuu..Solat stp hari berdoa dipercepatkan masa..aku tak sabaq nak balik ke pangkuan yg tersayang..


  21. ~cont:sbb pnjg sgt..sowi~

    As time goes by..few months passed through..aku dapat balik buat teaching prac in Penang..masa tuh rasa xsabaq sangat and happy yang tak terhingga sangat becoz at first the school had decided where teaching prac will only be held in KL and Selangor area ONLY..aku fight and ajak ramai2 coursemate sokong and finally kitorg menang..and now where I am..back to my family...balik ke pangkuan yang tersayang..rasa bahagia sangat and I am now almost finish my DP course..But another thing is coming as I will never know yet where am I going to be posted next year januaryand I really pray to God it will be in Penang..I don't mind to be in whc part in Penang but as long as in Penang..i will really thank God..

    Yess is different story sbb mine will be for temporary time but not you..No one will no until when u will have to sacrifice but percayalahh..whatever yang kita korbankan akan ada hikmah yang telah ditentukan..aku selalu ingat yang kita merancang utk kebaikan dan kesempurnaan but PERANCANGAN ALLAH LEBIH SEMPURNA Bai..the decision is a friend aku sentiasa doakan yang terbaik utk hang..Allah sentiasa bersama dengan org2 yang sabar..So kuatkan semangat hOKey of what you had chosen or will choose..

    Ehh..panjang jugak erk wpun aku dah cuba pendekkan ceritanya..Anyway my dear fren..chaiyukk..chaiyukk..

  22. i suke cara u pkr ttg family u...itu gak i pkr b4 i amik keputusan tuk terus jaga anak2...

    mmg org akan kata..jgn harap duit suami as long as suami mampu n kita sentiasa bersyukur ngan rezeki Allah kasi insyaallah...nie pndpt i...

    i mmg dah missed mcm mana syahmi mbesar then i tak nak (klu bole) adik dia pun alami situation yg sama...biar dia puas ngan tgn kita besarkan dia..

    over lak pndpt i nie hehehhehe

    anyway gd luck...pndangan suami pun kena amik & minta pntunjuk kat Allah.



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