Family mak atau family bapak?

*Disclaimer : This post is not directed towards one single person or anybody in particular. It is just my thought put into writing. And it is also a reminder to myself to  do good unto others, in order to get good return.

You know, I've always had this 'argument' with the big guy about who will get the custody of a child when a couple is divorced. No, don't get me wrong! We don't plan to have one! *Mintak simpang*. But ermmmm, let's just say that I know a couple who does, and it's sad to see the mother not having the babies to herself.

So last week, I watched a programme discussing this issue. And the debate between the big guy and I is settled once and for all! FIRST, in the court of law, the most rightful person to get the custody of the children would be the mother. There's no doubt about that. SECONDLY, if for certain reason, the mother is deprived of the right due to her own doing, the mother of the mother (grandmother on the mother's side) IS THE SECOND person to be granted the right. AND the father would be the third person to be granted the custody.

I'm just wondering if this is the law according to the syariah law, or just our man-made law? Whatever it is, I'm sure us women have no complaint against that. Somehow, I'm pretty confident that if I'm not around, the grandmother would take very good care and give the kids the best kind of maternal love without fail. Not that fathers couldn't, but they have soooo many responsibilities to fulfill that they might not be able to give their undivided attention to the kids. Tu tak kira kalau depa kahwin lain lagi kan! The kids might not be taken care of with such love and care that their biological mother has given them before. We've seen a lot of cases like that around us. So...  I strongly believe that it is proper that the mother's mother gets the custody of the children after the mother.

On a different note, I also wonder on the fact why most kids are closer to their mother's side of family compared to the father's side? In some cases, the relationship is so not well-balanced that some mulut neraka people would say the husband kena queen control by the wife until he wouldn't let his kids mingle with his own family compared to the in-laws. Seriously, I'VE HEARD such accusations with my own ears before. No, no! Not directed to me. But someone I barely know. Luckily it doesn't happen within our family.  And I hope it never will.

Why does it happen anyway? Is it because mothers themselves are prone to lebihkan their family compared to the fathers' family and so the kids follow suit? Or is there any other reason for things to happen this way?

As for me, I admit that I was closer to my mother's side of family. That's because all of us grew up together in Penang, and we had a fun childhood together. While the relatives from my dad's side scattered all over Malaysia and we only managed to meet once or twice a year top, when they came back to Penang for raya. But whenever we met, it was sure fun trying to make our differences blend in! However, there are a couple of the family from my dad's side who lived near us. So I was closer to them compared to the rest of the relatives while growing up.

Whatever it is, I do believe that whatever 'vendetta' you might have against the in-laws, you still have to be fair and square to them. Because like the big guy always said "What goes around comes around". I have a son, the son that I hope will take care of his parents when they grow old. So if I don't want to get unfair treatments from my son's family later, I have to make sure not to give unfair treatments to my husbands family now.

SO. What's your take on this issue?