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Family mak atau family bapak?

*Disclaimer : This post is not directed towards one single person or anybody in particular. It is just my thought put into writing. And it is also a reminder to myself to  do good unto others, in order to get good return.

You know, I've always had this 'argument' with the big guy about who will get the custody of a child when a couple is divorced. No, don't get me wrong! We don't plan to have one! *Mintak simpang*. But ermmmm, let's just say that I know a couple who does, and it's sad to see the mother not having the babies to herself.

So last week, I watched a programme discussing this issue. And the debate between the big guy and I is settled once and for all! FIRST, in the court of law, the most rightful person to get the custody of the children would be the mother. There's no doubt about that. SECONDLY, if for certain reason, the mother is deprived of the right due to her own doing, the mother of the mother (grandmother on the mother's side) IS THE SECOND person to be granted the right. AND the father would be the third person to be granted the custody.

I'm just wondering if this is the law according to the syariah law, or just our man-made law? Whatever it is, I'm sure us women have no complaint against that. Somehow, I'm pretty confident that if I'm not around, the grandmother would take very good care and give the kids the best kind of maternal love without fail. Not that fathers couldn't, but they have soooo many responsibilities to fulfill that they might not be able to give their undivided attention to the kids. Tu tak kira kalau depa kahwin lain lagi kan! The kids might not be taken care of with such love and care that their biological mother has given them before. We've seen a lot of cases like that around us. So...  I strongly believe that it is proper that the mother's mother gets the custody of the children after the mother.

On a different note, I also wonder on the fact why most kids are closer to their mother's side of family compared to the father's side? In some cases, the relationship is so not well-balanced that some mulut neraka people would say the husband kena queen control by the wife until he wouldn't let his kids mingle with his own family compared to the in-laws. Seriously, I'VE HEARD such accusations with my own ears before. No, no! Not directed to me. But someone I barely know. Luckily it doesn't happen within our family.  And I hope it never will.

Why does it happen anyway? Is it because mothers themselves are prone to lebihkan their family compared to the fathers' family and so the kids follow suit? Or is there any other reason for things to happen this way?

As for me, I admit that I was closer to my mother's side of family. That's because all of us grew up together in Penang, and we had a fun childhood together. While the relatives from my dad's side scattered all over Malaysia and we only managed to meet once or twice a year top, when they came back to Penang for raya. But whenever we met, it was sure fun trying to make our differences blend in! However, there are a couple of the family from my dad's side who lived near us. So I was closer to them compared to the rest of the relatives while growing up.

Whatever it is, I do believe that whatever 'vendetta' you might have against the in-laws, you still have to be fair and square to them. Because like the big guy always said "What goes around comes around". I have a son, the son that I hope will take care of his parents when they grow old. So if I don't want to get unfair treatments from my son's family later, I have to make sure not to give unfair treatments to my husbands family now.

SO. What's your take on this issue?


  1. Rasanya faktor location memainkan peranan.. tak kisah ler family memana pun, tapi yang lebih dekat akan lebih rapat... kalau dah jauh, mmg laa susah nak rapat2.. tapi nowadays, thanks to the facebook sbb walaupun jauh, tau gak perkembangan sedara mara.. hehe..

    cik bai takut cucu nanti tak rapat ka? hehe.. irfan, sila pilih menantu kat mummy anda yang dekat2 suda ok.. :p

  2. are_shie : eh tak jugak tau. ada yang sebab faktor location, tapi ramai gak yang dua2 dekat pun still lebih one family. hehehe

    Irfan nanti mama doa pandai bimbing family (isteri dan anak) supaya dapat berlaku adil pada semua! Ameen! :-D

  3. mcm normal je lebih kat family mak..ihikss...
    tp mmg kesian kat anak2 laa bila blaku perceraian ni...semoga kita semoga kekal bahagia hinggaa ke syurgaa

  4. hehehe. berat topik ni. but i agree la with u

  5. berat.. berat.... but have to admit yg we all closer to mommy's family.. :D

  6. In my case, my dotter mmg lg rapat ngan nenk belah i sbb dia penah duk ngan nenek dia dulu..kejap jer pon..lg pon masa lahir uri di anenek dia yg tanam ngan babah dia..(ni boleh count ka?..heheh) tp i do agree dgn komen yg kata location pun main peranan bdk2 ni kalu org layan dia mmg dia manja lebey sket... depends la..nenek belah babah dia dah xlarat layan dia sgt kot..tu yg lg rapat ngan my mom.. :)

  7. betul salunya mmg berat ke belah pompuan la majority. psl custody tu it is like that kan. dlm quran pun sebut ibu dulu, ibu lagi baru bapa ;)

  8. kak ct pun lbh rapat ngan family belah anak2 (especially syaza) lbh rapat dgn ngan nenek belah abah dia..sbb nenek suka manjakan dia.

  9. i pun rapat belah my mom.. one of the reason is keluarga belah my dad semua tak ada di sini... ops..

  10. seelok-eloknya hak ibu... kerana ibu yang lahirkan, ibu yang susah payah.. ibu yang masakkan, ibu yang risau bila baby menangis, ibu yang banyak mengajar baby.. so ibu buat banyak perkara untuk anak.. ayah ade juga, tapi tak banyak, maksu aiz, dari segi kasih sayang...
    mungkin ibu takde duit, ayah pula ade duit.. thats why ayah yang dapat jagaan.. tapi kesian pada ibu sebab baby tu mesti bermakna untuk ibu..

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  11. tu la, i pon lebih berat ke belah pmpuan. hmm.. tapi hubby i the only son dlm family, so kena pandai 'bagi-bagi'..

  12. saya setuju dgn are_shie, faktor lokasi mainkan peranan besar. masa kecik dulu kami tinggal dekat dgn family belah ayah,siap nenek babysit lagi,jadi rapat dgn family ayah. nowadays, my najihah lebih rapat dgn family belah suami coz paling dekat, my own family nun jauh kena naik kapal terbang baru boleh bjumpa.

  13. 'Why does it happen anyway? Is it because mothers themselves are prone to lebihkan their family compared to the fathers' family and so the kids follow suit?' when come accross this para..terus dlm hati i ckp..i ni camni la..lebihkn sblh family i je..
    Tp..bila habis baca semua..i totally agree wit u..yg kita kena adil..sbb kita pon xsuka kalau benda ni jd kat diri kita kan..
    Thanks atas peringatan ini..

  14. mmg in laws in mmg xsama dgn our own family.because of coz we were brought up differently.but then the differences makes it special...we can learn lots of things for them n vice versa....i pun doa selalu those kind off things xhappen to me...but if it does....mintak Allah permudahkan semuanya...takut kan?kena selalu beringat heheh

  15. u answered my question for the few years of marriage, i;ve been debating this with the hubby also, and of course mintak simpang !

  16. kat belah saya kot...biasalh tukan..kalu tanya asben mesti ckp belah dia..he he he..mintak2lah kita dijauhkan ngan perkara perceraian tu..amin



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