Dia Takut Bini?

The phrase "takut bini" is commonly and widely used in our society to tease men perceived as following or taking orders from his wife. However, many many times, the phrase is used unwisely especially by male chauvinists friends, and also by women who can't stand seeing other woman's husband treating his wife so good. Frankly speaking, without realizing it, improper use of the phrase could really create havoc in one's marriage, and worse still it could even lead to the break-up of the marriage.

First, I would like to get to the root of the cause of why a man would be labeled as "takut bini". Perhaps when a man and wife has to make a decision, and the man listens to his wife's reasoning rather than just flush them down the toilet, and because of that he defies certain orders other men follow, then he'd be called "takut bini". Sometimes when a man and his wife practice tolerance and equal say in their household, the man would be perceived as a man who bows to his wife's order.

Sometimes a man simply loves his wife and wants to spend time with her rather than, let say, go out on a Saturday night to have teh tarik with his group of male friends. In some cases, friends would understand because they too skip their TT sessions once in a while, but others who are male chauvinists would start name-calling the man just because he decided to stay at home on certain nights.

It's the rule of thumb that a man is the leader of his family. He will have the final say regarding the household decisions, and he too will have to lead his family to be a better servant of Allah, and a better human in the society. However, men are also human. All human make mistakes, thus we are responsible in reminding and advicing each other on what is right and wrong in everyday life. Islam does not forbid women to speak up her mind with her husband, as long as she does not go overboard, does it? So why would a man be labeled as takut bini if he agreed with his wife's opinions, which contrasts with other people's perceptions and opinion? After all, I'm sure the wife wants the best for the marriage, to keep it alive and healthy and full of love. I bet the men who name-called their friends are indeed not the best husbands in the whole wide world, nor are they the best leaders women could ask for, as a husband. While a woman who says such thing about other woman is clearly envious of the two-way communication the couple practice in their marriage, perhaps she wished her husband would treat her just as good.

However, it is undeniable that if a man just follow every single things his wife said without even for once 'disobeying' her, even if what she requested of him dah memang melampaui batas-batas kemanusian, then I'm sure there's something wrong with the couple. There are still people in this modern society who believes in using magic (ilmu hitam) to make their husbands obey them, but that's a rare case in our society now, or at least in the society that I live in. (MasyaAllah, mintak dijauhkan such things)

Just to share a story, there's one not so newlywed couple I know of, whom the husband never goes out with his friends anymore on Saturday nights after he got married, because the wife won't allow him to, or at least that's what people has been saying. Can you imagine what would happen if all his friends keep on pushing the husband by telling him that he should show her (the wife) who's the boss and just come join them for their TT (teh tarik) session every weekend. That could break the marriage apart won't it? For all we know, the couple might be working out their unresolved issues and trying to adapt to the the challenging new life a marriage sometimes evoke. Too much name-calling would create stress for the husband, and in order to live up to his friends' or even family expectations he would screw the wife and leave her to fend off for herself, emotionally and physically. Would the wife be strong enough to stay in the marriage, or would she decide to leave it behind her and get on with her life, ALONE?

So you see, whenever you want to interfere in other people's marriage, just think first of the consequence. Would you like to be the one who break other people's marriage apart? Sanggup kah jadi peruntuh rumahtangga kawan ataupun saudara sendiri?

As for me and husband, whenever people call him "takut bini" he would gladly agree with it. Because we're cool people. Cool people don't talk big time, they act it out. Hehe. Most important thing is, he knows and I know the real happenings in our marriage. And we both know that no matter what, he's always the boss, so tak perlu melatah with people's perception of you.

I'm glad I have a husband who would give and take rather than just taking. I'm glad my husband would listen to my reasoning, and make the right decisions most of the time to keep the marriage happy and harmony. Evidently, that is among the factors which helps in enhancing our bond and make it stronger.

So remember guys, there's a big difference between the so-called 'takut bini' husband, and a wise husband who knows when to give in and when to stand firm by his decision. After all, a marriage needs tolerance from both side, and if a wife is considered a slave in your marriage, then trust me, the love you built would evaporate into thin air before you could even realize it exists.